Thought on pregnancy...

So, I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple days. Technically, I think a lot more than that, but one subject in particular has been on my mind the past couple days. I think that is the better way to put that. That one subject? A baby. Now, if you ask my husband that is on my mind a lot more than just the past couple days.

But I have found myself asking, “Is there something wrong with me?” or “When will it be my time?” There has been a couple times I questioned God, “What did I do wrong to cause you not to give me my hearts desires?” It’s not like I’m asking for a million dollars and a shiny new car! (But if that’s Your will God, I won’t stop you!) I just want to be like most other women on the face of this planet and become pregnant. I mean, you hear about all the people who don’t want children that become pregnant… why them and not me?

So… God responded to this today. Maybe not audibly, but I’m sure He responded just the same. I picked up my devotional this afternoon to read while I’m at lunch. And the scripture of the day was out of “The Message” 2 Peter 3:9, “God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness…” WHOA! All I could think was “Okay God… I’m listening” (as I had been pitying myself the moment I opened the book so it was fresh on my mind!). Verse 8 falls n like with that, “With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day” In other words, God timing may not (and probably will not) add up specifically with our timing. (Please God don’t wait a thousand years though)

So, where am I at now? In short, in need of a lot of prayer. I know in my head that it just must not be God’s timing, that God may have other plans for me first, or in replace of. And as He so graciously reminded me, I need to be patient. However, YOU try convincing my heart of that… because I can’t get it to understand. The desire is so much sometimes. I pray about it on a daily (sometimes multiple times a day) basis. It is hard seeing pregnant women (there are 2 million of them at work it seems like) and wondering what they’ve done right, that I haven’t (other than the obvious!)… I know I shouldn’t judge myself by them, but again, try telling my heart that.

I suppose I have said all that to say this, pray for me. Pray that God will help me understand whatever His will may hold. Pray that I won’t struggle. Pray that I see the joy in whatever life may bring. I know that God promises to give us the desires of our hearts, however, I also was reminded it is not in our timing. So I need to rely on this as well.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.