Healing God

I have some really exciting news!!!

But first, let's start with some background work.  If you haven't been following my wacky, all over the place, no sense at all blog you will have no idea what I am talking about, if you have, you probably already know.

Ken and I have been married for 3 years.  We have been trying to conceive, unsuccessfully, for 3 years. About 2 and a half years ago, we found out that Ken had a severe chronic prostate infection - and with prostate cancer running in his family, this was very scary.  Because of the infection his testosterone level was little to none.  The doctor's put him on heavy antibiotics and testosterone shots.  He also had a sperm analysis and there wasn't much luck there either.

This was a very devastating blow to us, not only because we both want children very badly, but it also altered Ken's moods pretty severely.  He didn't want to do anything, he had no energy, he couldn't even truly enjoy being with our nieces and nephews.  The best way he explained it, was he had no feelings whatsoever.  And anyone who knows me, I am VERY emotional, so this was hard for me to grasp.  The antibiotics was a trip in and of itself.  The biggest side effect that affected his/our everyday life was the fact that it made him EXTREMELY sensitive to the sun.  So, no outside work or fun for him.  Again, this was a big blow to me, because I love to be outside. Not to mention the depression (very severe at times) for both him and me.  Sometimes I look back and know it is only by the grace of God we survived, and our still surviving.

For a year and a half the prostate infection never went away. During this time, his testosterone and his sperm count not only declines, it hit the big fat ZERO - there is NOTHING there according to the tests.  He stayed on the heavy antibiotics the whole time.  About this time last year, they decided to go in and do an invasive exploratory surgery on him.  They found a stricture, but nothing that should be causing an infection like this.  The poor guy had a catheter through Christmas!!  He has been through the wringer for sure, and I know I have not always been a good and patient or understanding wife.

After this surgery, and lots of prayer, Ken decided to come off of the Testosterone and Antibiotics with the decision that if they haven't done anything by now (2+ years later) they are not going to.  And I always had this feeling doctors and medicine just wasn't going to cut it.  So off he came.  His mood did improve (lack of testosterone shots) and his "allergy" to the sun improved gradually (lack of antibiotics) which were definite benefits.  But my moodiness wasn't improving, in all honesty, I was/am sinking further and further into depression.  No matter how many times you remind yourself it is a promise, each time it doesn't manafest, it is disappointing, and I'm tired of disappointments. 

The past three years has been full of prayers, tears (lots of those), gut wrenching sobs, screaming and crying to God, questions, doubts, and more prayers.  I have not lost my faith though it, I know regardless, that God is with me, with or without children, my God is there.  I have put to test "to wrestle with God" though these years though.

So let's move into the current year... 2012.  We went to Chan's research hospital to see if they could help (Ken's technical diagnosis name is hypogonadism), with no luck, changed doctor's a few times, with no luck, etc.  It always seemed the same - "there is really nothing we can do for this condition, just go see a fertility doctor".  Yeah RIGHT, they are doctors, so I'm sure the tens of thousands of dollars doesn't faze them, but we knew that was out of the question.  The majority of the year was spent researching a new treatment that is out to treat hypogonadism and re-create sperm and testosterone in the body, it is fairly simple and even well known lately because of it's weight loss fad - HcG & HmG.  It is FDA approved to treat hypogonadism, but we went to 3 or 4 different doctors that said they just were not comfortable giving it. 

Finally we decided in October to go back to the endocrinologist, where we had started all those years ago.  Interestingly enough, this appointment was on our 3rd anniversary!  So the doctor had Ken do the standard tests before going in (CBC, testosterone, etc).  While we were there, I laid out my heart to the doctor and he listened.  He pulled up the blood work and everything was within the normal limits.  He wasn't comfortable with the HcG either, and was really impressed with Ken's levels.  So he decided he would order another sperm analysis to see what was going on there and then he would help us make decisions from there.... so here goes nothing - again.  (the sperm analysis stories are hilarious in and of themselves)

Ken finishes all his tests (he had to get an MRI of his pituitary too) and then the wait is on....

I get a message from a wonderful woman of God who I have had praying with us about this situation for the past 3 years.  She said that she got a message from God and she knew without a doubt it was for me, and it was God telling me "You have everything you need."  We both muddled over what it could mean (of course my mind goes to "you don't need a baby you already have what you need, give it up and quitcher whining") with no luck. 

The next day Ken calls me, he got the test results back...  EVERYTHING is within normal levels!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  (We have known for almost a month now and I STILL do a little dance every once in a while)  Normal!! We haven't been normal in forever (if EVER!)!!  God has HEALED my husband!!  He is HEALED!  WHOO HOO! This wasn't ANY doctors, no medicene, nothing of THIS world - sperm doesn't just recreate itself like that.  GOD did this - no doubt about it!!

Needless to say - disappointment still hits.  But we are one step closer, because God told me, spoke to me and said I have everything I need! That doesn't mean it will be immediate (it wasn't)... and I will still probably be disappointed each month it isn't... but it's okay, because:

"YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED"

Feelings into words

I am typically okay at putting my feelings into words, but this whole infertility thing has had me so worked up for so long, I feel like I am repetitive and jumbled up (most of you are probably nodding in agreeance right now haha).   I came across this poem on pinterest (my new fav site) tonight... and it so nicely put into words all the emotions I am contsantly going through - it's like a never ending cycle.  Thought I would share.

 

Aching Heart... Empty Arms

 

Aching heart, empty arms, broken dreams

spinning in dizzying circles for eternity.

Hope is a bad four-letter word

when it seems that your prayers are not being heard.

Feeling crazy, confused, jealous and sad

isolated, weary, deserted, and mad!

Trying to cope...

not wanting to hope.

Withering away, slowly dying

swollen eyes from all the crying.

Pounding heart, soaring fears, fragile soul

the hurt and pain continue to grow.

Praying to God!

Pleading with God!

Begging for God to please hear my prayers,

the disappointments I think I can no longer bare.

Trying to be patient and trust in the Lord

but I don't think my spirit can take anymore!

I want to be a mommy... I need to be -- WHY????

Why do I feel this so strongly?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?

Screaming now, shouting for the Lord to hear

"I'm waiting, I'm trying, but do You care??"

Hurting inside, feeling weak, loosing faith

more crying and pleading; now starting to hate!

My mind is twisting out of control!

I need help... I need healing, this I know.

But does God really listen and understand?

I ask you again Lord, "Will you please hold my hand?

This journey I'm on seems long, the terrains are rough

when will You realize I've suffered enough?"

 

-Lisa M. Borders

Changes

It has been so long since I have posted.  It has been so long since I have had TIME to post. I just have a couple of updates for you.

First, I am not working any longer. At my old company we were raided by the FDLE - in the interview with the FBI it was hard to determine exactly why, but something about money laundering.  I (along with the rest of the staff) decided that was not the environment I wished to be associated with and quit.  Within the next 2 days I made a decision that will forever change my life... for the better.

I am going to school to become a Medical Assistant.  Now that I am knee deep at Fortis with my first module under my belt (well, it will be within the week), I do not know why I did not do this sooner!! I am loving school!  I have a final outcome and a direction for my life for the first time in ... well... since I graduated High School - so 11 years!

So with not working, I'm going to try to get away with it as long as possible so I can rock my grades at school, and going to school (tuition).  We need all the prayers along the financial lines as you can provide for us.  So far (the past 2ish months) God has provided ABUNDANTLY for us.  We may not be able to go out to eat or buy a new outfit every week, but all of our bills are paid and we have food on our tables.  We are BLESSED!

A chapter in our book of Life closed today, a close, dear family that are friends of ours left today.  The military called them to their next duty station, and it is unfortunately in Chicago, IL.  It was a very tearful day today.  I am happy for their next adventure in their life, but I am also reminded why I never had military friends haha.  But I would not trade them for the world.  The Aguilar's touched our lives in so many ways, they were an amazingly awesome extension of our family and I would not trade my time with them for the world.

Respect your Husband

I came across a wonderful blog, http://lovinglifeathome.wordpress.com.  The writer is a christian wife & mother whose blogs focus on the joys of life. I found this particular post very touching and really burdened my heart to make sure my actions are speaking to my husband the same message my mouth is.  There are many times I may say "I love you" or "I respect you", but find myself toning him out while he is talking to me or changing into my not so pretty PJs as soon as I get home - which really contradicts my words.  I hope you enjoy it too.


Here are 25 ways you can communicate respect to your spouse without uttering a word.

1. Choose Joy
   It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
2. Honor His Wishes
   Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention
   Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
4. Don’t Interrupt
   Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
5. Emphasize His Good Points
   Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
6. Pray for Him
   Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philipians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
7. Don’t Nag
   Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.
8. Be Thankful
   Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
9. Smile at Him
   Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.
10. Respond Physically
    Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
11. Eyes Only for Him
    Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)
12. Kiss Him Goodbye
    I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)
13. Prepare His Favorite Foods
    Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)
14. Cherish Togetherness
    I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.
15. Don’t Complain
    Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)
16. Resist the Urge to Correct
    I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)
17. Dress to Please Him
    Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
18. Keep the House Tidy
    To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)
19. Be Content
    Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Jonses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)
20. Take His Advice
    Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.
21. Admire Him
    Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)
22. Protect His Name
    Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)
23. Forgive His Shortcomings
    In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)
24. Don’t Argue
    You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)
25. Follow His Lead
    If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Do these 25 things consistently, and your husband will never have trouble believing that fact.

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I have a long way to go.  But I find these suggestions very honest and it makes since.  The woman of the house can make or break the home.  I want to be the woman that my husband WANTS to come home to and is PROUD to call his wife, not because he has to, but because there is no doubt in his mind that anyone could ever love or respect him any more than I do. This has really made me think.  I'm ready to start putting these suggestions into action!!

Nothin' like a little healthy competition

So, this entire year I was going to focus on losing weight - I even started a blog "2012 - the year of healthy".  It got a whole whopping 3 posts haha.

So you may ask, "How's that healthy thing going?" My answer - simply put - It's NOT!  I have been steadily gaining weight the past year after loosing 40 pounds.  So, this weekend my sister in law makes a post on Facebook talking about how she is going to start dieting this coming Monday. 

So let us pause here for a moment and get just a little back ground - Amanda and I have known each other since High School, we were always around the same weight, some 8 years later I meet her brother and we fall in love (yadda yadda) and we are still about the same weight.

Okay, so that Facebook post did it - my motivation returned!!  For whatever reason, I do not want Amanda to be smaller than me! I don't hate her or anything like that when she does do better and loses more and gets smaller, it just pushes me!!  It motivates me to stay just one step ahead.  So I decided "I'll start Monday too!"

This morning (the start date) - I get up and weigh.  Now I have not weighed in a few weeks mind you.  But coincidentally (maybe), I officially hit my "20 lbs" mark.  I have gained 20 lbs since last year!!  There is some extra motivation there!

So this week I am doing the Cabbage soup diet - without the cabbage soup.  Mainly because *shivers* I cannot stand the soup!!  So today was all fruit! 

Another thing that I am focusing on is no artifical sweetner (splenda, sweet n low, equal, etc).  So if I want coffee just a little bit of creamer and that's it!  (Needless to say I did NOT finish my coffee this morning) I had noticed that about the time I started using that regularly was about the same time I started gaining weight - I think it pushes my cravings.  We shall see!

My husband is FULL of surprises!

Yesterday was my birthday, and boy do I have a story behind it haha. 

Let's start from the beginning, Monday night.  Ken ignored me ALL night, not just not talked to me, didn't even realize I wasn't in the room with him... for 3 hours!!!  Apparently I was slightly emotional anyways because this bothered me, A LOT. Needless to say, I couldn't keep my mouth shut and let him know how I feel, tears and all.  I was hurt and VERY angry.  We fought until, ehh 2am? Then I got sick about 4am.  So by the time I'm waking up about 6:30 for work I feel run over by a MACK truck. 

All I can think of was "And I was worried about 30?  I think I'll skip 29 if this is the way it is gonna be!!"  It was horrible for sure.  Work was not too bad and I got so many birthday wishes on Facebook it was sweet!  Each one made the day a little better and a little better.  Oh, I forgot to mention - our washing machine broke this weekend - and we were out of jeans and towels, so I had to go to mom's to wash clothes... ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! So I wasn't looking forward to any of day. At all.

So I call Ken on the way home from work, and he tells me he doesn't think he's going with me to mom's to do clothes.  At this point I can't believe it, he fights with me AND doesn't want to be with me on my birthday while I'm having to work!? 

When I get home I find that he has washed all the jeans and all the towels!! And he offers to take me out to eat, nice!  He offers to take me to La Hacienda, which would be great, if I hadn't had ate Taco Bell for lunch.  I tried to talk him into something else... but he looked sad, I figured he wanted his steak (his fav thing from there) so I gave in. 

We walk into the restaurant, and into the room.... SURPRISE!!! 

My arguing, fighting, meanness of a husband has successfully organized a surprise party for me!!!! He had gotten about 35 of our family and friends together for this surprise birthday dinner!!  He had orchestrated EVERYTHING, including the fights. 

The story behind the need for the fights... I'm a very observant person and I have a habit of ruining any surprise that someone tries to do.  I have a habit of finding out what my presents are and everything, not on purpose I've just got nose problems (nosey) as my father in law puts it lovingly haha.  So Ken got me so mad that I couldn't think of anything else, therefore I didn't notice the little things like "why does he all of a sudden want to go out" or "why are Ben & Amanda AND Mama & Pops BOTH gone?" 

I am very proud of my husband for pulling this off, it was a WONDERFUL surprise and I'm glad he loved me enough to work that hard for me!

May Bike Trip

I never knew how much fun could be had on a mountain vacation with a total of 14 people!  It was such a blast, I don't think I've laughed so much in such a long time.  We went with the biker group at church Assembled by Faith.  We had 8 bikes and 10 bikers.  Ken & I and Josh & Jamie were ride a-longs (with CiCi and David). 

My favorite part of the trip was the early mornings by the fire pit drinking coffee and talking.

We rode the Dragon's Tail (the 8 bikes, Ken, me, CiCi and David in the car, and Josh and Jamie in the truck) on Friday.  It was VERY curvy.  I think it was something like 312 curves in 11 miles and some of them were complete 90 degree turns!!! We stopped at "Deals Gap" before we got on it to get shirts, and take photos!

On Saturday we took some time to build some memories with friends.  We went on a hiking trip we will never forget with Josh & Jamie.  We went to a trail we found online stating it was an "easy to moderate" we were on a mission for some hiking and most importantly waterfalls!! However, we got off track some where along the way and ended up on a straight trek UPhill.  All I could think was "THIS is easy to moderate?" When we finally got to a point that Ken and Josh had to pull themselves up the hill with the trees, Jamie and I gave up haha.  We were done for!!  At the top of the trail the guys found 3 graves, and the trail ends suddenly.  Anyone who knows me knows my mind went to all the reasons they could be there, bears, serial killers, the last crazy people that thought they should take this route, etc.  We found out later that it was some settlers that used to live there before it became part of Smoky Mountain National Park and the children had passed.  It was a great trip with wonderful memories I do not think we will ever forget!

 

 

It was definitely a trip that I will never forget.  The memories are forever, which is good, because there are too many to blog about!!



Whining. Just warning you.

My struggle lately has been with giving up.   More a sense of protection, a wall going up than anything.  I told Ken the other night, I just don't want to have kids.  Needless to say, he didn't believe me.  But I think I did a fairly good job of convincing us ha ha.  It's just easier to make it my decision, rather than have that decision taken away from us.  Whoever is going the taking away (God, science, sickness, etc), I don't want it to be anyone's choice but ours.  So ... that being said, I'm over wanting kids. Three, almost 4 years is enough pity partying and hurt and crying and blah blah blah. 

I'm just over it.  My wall is officially up on this subject and I'm done.  I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but I'm done, I can move on, enjoy my nieces & nephews and all of my friends children.  We are blessed with plenty of children in our lives, and that is just the way it is going to be. 

Hope

It has been a rough couple of weeks lately, so rough I cannot even explain or rationalize alll of my emotions. The biggest thing that has been going over and over in my head is the argument of what is worse... No Hope or False Hope?

I have not fought that arguement out to the end yet, and I'm not sure that I ever will, because it all feels empty, both options seem pointless with endless pain.

I feel like God has left me alone and questioning.  I have so many questions and stuggles.  I have been strong so long and I don't think I can push through it any more.   Eventually, I will move on, I don't have much of a choice.

50 Ways to Inspire Your Husband

God has really been working on me to be Ken's helpmate.  Not just in household things like cleaning the house, washing the clothes, helping in the yard, etc.  But in life!  Praying for him actively, specifically and consciously... not just "Oh God, please bless Ken" or my favorite, "God, show Ken he is wrong"  haha :)  who me?  I would pray that?  Okay, maybe not that bluntly, but I'm sure that is how it is deciphered and most likely, deep down, what I really meant.

There have been small things that have come across my path, either websites, blogs, sermons, etc, that have helped me in this matter (later this week I'll be sharing a 31 days of prayer for my husband) and I think it is all share worthy.

" There’s an old joke about one of our presidents walking with his wife, who sees one of her old boyfriends in a less-than-glorious occupation.

The president looks at the old boyfriend and remarks, “If you hadn’t married me, you might be married to that guy.”

The first lady answers calmly, “If I had married him, he’d be president.”

Now, occupation is not the measure of a man. But as a wife, you do possess a unique power to inspire your husband. Your loving vision of the man he’s becoming propels him toward greatness—not necessarily by the world’s yardstick of success, or even your own, but of God’s.

When you believe in him, he is secure. He can take the leaps of faith required to surmount fear. He can bear up under pressure, pioneer new territory.

An inspired husband feels the freedom to reach the fullest potential of the man God has created him to be. He’s not merely encouraged. He’s a man who’s empowered; a conqueror. If you want to give your man some “wind beneath his wings”… start here.

1. Initiate great sex.

2. Send him an email. Example: “Praying for you today. Thanks for being so courageous in [insert specific area].”

3. Give him one night on a regular basis to do something he loves.

4. Consistently mention ways you see him growing to be more like Christ.

5. Ask him about his “bucket list.”

6. Give him a book, audio CD, or ticket to learn about something he loves doing.

7. Ask him about some dreams he has — and pray about them together, evaluating them. Then ask how you can help him go after them.

8. Text him. Example: “REMINDER: I BELIEVE IN U.”

9. Make sure he feels respected by you.

10. Leave sticky notes in his lunch, on his steering wheel, in his briefcase, etc. “So proud of
all you’ve been doing with ___.” “You are so great with our kids.” “You are my dream come true.” “You are an incredible lover.”

11. Suggest that he take some time to go pursue a hobby.

12. Leave a message on his voicemail: “Thanks for going to work every day to take care of our family. You are so good at what you do.”

13. Ask him how you can pray for him at work. Later on in the week, ask about his prayer requests again.

14. Be proactive about doing something together that he really enjoys: make a date, get him excited, and share his enthusiasm!

15. Tell him areas he’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth; be honest so he can trust you.

16. Pray for him.

17. Initiate great sex.

18. Start and keep a “Dreams” binder with him. Include some travel brochures or whatever gets you excited. In the back, make sure you have a “Dreams turned reality!” file.

19. Talk with him about setting aside a small part of the budget to pursue the ways God has created him — through education or through sheer enjoyment.

20. Post on his Facebook wall: “I love being your wife! See me tonight regarding this.”

21. Gently communicate with him about what you like in bed, and respond encouragingly to his attempts.

22. Remember a dream that he had a long time ago. Talk with him about whether it’s still a dream — and still a possibility.

23. Ask God to open your eyes to the ways He has made your husband and to give you wisdom about how to maximize that workmanship.

24. Have your children write him notes or letters about what they love about their dad.

25. Initiate great sex.

26. Ban yourself from any nagging, the Great Life-Sucker.

27. Ask, “If I could do one thing I’m not already doing that would really empower you and inspire you, what would it be?” Listen — resist being defensive (the hard part) — and follow through.

28. As you think of them, remind him of specific times and areas he has impacted people’s lives: “Hey, I was thinking the other day about all the time you invested in that Cub Scout troop. Wonder what those boys are doing now. It was so cool to watch them grow with you as their leader.” “Our son has grown so much in encouraging people lately. He gets that from you; you are such a good example for him in that.”

29. Buy him something small to stoke the fires: a journal for a writer; some carpentry pencils for a woodworker; some grilling tools for the master chef. Add a sweet note: “Just because I love the way you’re made.”

30. Do something fun and unexpected together: paintball; laser tag; on a spring day, have a picnic, blow bubbles, and bring the books you’re reading; swing; go to a drive-in movie, bring popcorn, and instigate a make-out session.

31. Think about a way you’ve been hurting him, annoying him, or not “seeing” him. Apologize, and work hard at showing true change.

32. Initiate great sex.

33. Go to a home improvement store to plan a small, doable project that energizes both of you, even if it’s just painting a room or fixing up some landscaping. (Hint: Make sure it’s something by which he won’t feel burdened.)

34. Do something from his to-do list for him — something that he’d rather have you do anyway.

35. Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis — even if it’s playing the Wii together.

36. Create a cheerful atmosphere when he comes home.

37. Design a date night that will help him to de-stress and have fun.

38. Discover his love language and become even more fluent in it.

39. Pray about and pursue at least one dream of your own, talking with him about it.

40. What’s hard about his life right now? Pray for his endurance, and encourage him specifically. Galatians 6:9 is a great start for both.

41. Organize or clean something in your home that you know he finds messy.

42. Send a snail-mail love note to him at the office, affirming him in his work.

43. If there’s something on his “Honey Do” list at home that he finds overwhelming or has a hard time finding time to do, talk with him (respectfully and gently) about the possibility of having it hired out. Make sure he knows it’s not because you find him incompetent, but that you want to free him from a burden.

44. Initiate great sex.

45. Be a student of your husband. Does he feel inspired if he’s got all his ducks in a row? If he’s got a creative space to think? If he feels verbally affirmed?

46. If he’s into dressing nice, go with him to shop for clothes in which he feels confident.

47. Let him overhear you speaking well of him on the phone, among friends, or in public places.

48. In his area of weakness, pray about how to subtly and gently step in and help him.

49. Tell him what a great dad he is. Be specific.

50. If and when he messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives us. Respond in a way that communicates, You’re safe with me — and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow … and I love the journey with you.


Taken from:  http://www.momlifetoday.com/2011/03/50-ways-to-inspire-your-husband/

Coq au vin

Tonight was our Romantic Night In.

Ken brought home bags of groceries... chicken, mushrooms, carrots, celery, wine, potatoes, green onions, parsley, etc (haha I can't remember it all). 

He started makng the bacon and chicken...  I started peeling and chopping... by the time he got all the meats cooked off I had the potatoes on for the mashed potatoes and all the veggies prepped.  It was a wonderful harmony.  One of my favorite memories for sure. 

And it turned out just as yummy!

Oh yea!  It didn't stop there!  We had a yummy-tastic dessert too!



Memories & great food - you cannot beat a night like tonight that is for sure!!

Purpose

Does everyone have a purpose in life? 

Is it possible to go through your entire life wondering what your purpose is? 

Is my purpose really to go to work, come home, clean house, cook supper (okay those last two are only occassionally, and trust me, as few and far between as I can manage), go to bed and get up and do it all again?

Would I have more joy if I knew God had a purpose for me and I was working towards that?

A lot of questions, I know.  But that has been how my day has been today - and I'm not really sure where it all came from, but I think it has been brewing for a while now.  We were on our way to my mom's today - and I was thinking about all my fears and wondering why I can't get over them, where they come frome, etc.  Most specifically, I was thinking about my fear of death.  Why do I always think I am going to die?  Don't get me wrong, I know life is fragile, but I seriously am afraid I'm about to die 85% of the time, be it in a car accident, a freak accident like a tree falling on me, getting sick, having a heart attack, all kinds of thoughts go through my head.  And I had a thought.  I think one of the reasons I feel this way, is because I don't feel like I have a purpose.  I'm easily dispensable. Surely, there must be something out there God wanted me to do, and since I'm to dense to realize what it is - He must not have dire need of me, and therefore I am easily dispensable.

So, I know all the "right" things to say at this point. "God has a plan for me" "Jeremiah 29:11" etc etc etc.   But that's not it - it's not that I don't think He has a plan for me.... I just feel like one of two things are happening.....  1) I am too dense to figure out what that plan is  or 2) He is not giving me any help to figure it out (or a combination of the two). 

I think that my lack of joy and lack of purpose go hand in hand.  What is there to be joyful about if you are just mucking your way through the days.... get up, take a shower, get dressed, kiss Ken goodbye, kiss Rebel goodbye, stressful drive to work (have I mentioned I HATE to drive), work (repetitve), stressful drive home, cook, wash clothes, watch tv, go to bed.... REPEAT. 

As I am writing this... maybe I need to put that joy into my life... but I'm not sure how.  Maybe that is another struggle I have.... how do I create purpose for myself?? 

What is faith?

So many things that have been going on in my life.... continuously.  It seems like it just keeps going, and it isn't good. Sickness, Depression, Surgeries, Hospitals, and the list goes on and on.

I thought the doctors finally had things figured out. After a painful surgery (okay, the after effect was more painful than anything, it is still painful) that they assure us that he is better. They LIE. He is going to be in pain for at least 2 more month AND it may not have helped ANYTHING - most especially the infection which he has been fighting for almost 4 years now!

Is faith continuing to walk... when you are ready to just give up and sit on the ground?  Correction: Lay on the ground on my stomach kicking my legs and screaming "I GIVE UP!!!" at the top of my lungs.

Is faith believing even when you see no results?  Really.... how long can you go without any results? At all.

Is there something He wants from us before showing up?

I am doubting my faith.  I know the right answers "God will supply" "Have faith" "He will be there" but the actual believing in my heart portion of this... it ain't happening.  I wish I could say I'm strong and can get through this, but I'm really beginning to wonder.  And I'm not doing anything but repeating myself over and over, because nothing ever changes, so I'm sure all this is getting old to everyone. 

Maybe it's time to just accept this is how life is going to be and let it go.

Girls Night Out

I love my girlfriends!  I prayed for so long for good friends, and God blessed me with not one, but many!!  We had so much fun at The Melting Pot on 1/13/12.  I don't think I have laughed so much or so hard in a LONG LONG time!! 

Happy 2012

I hope that everyone spent New Years Eve with those they wish to be with this new year! I know that I did!  I was surrounded with family and amazing friends!

My goals for this year center around getting healthy - both physically and spiritually. Just to share...

• Cook more at home
• Eat out less (yes they go hand in hand) - 1x a week at most
• Drink more water (only 1 glass of coffee/tea per day)
• Exercise daily (even if it is only a 20 minute walk)
• Lose 1-2 lbs per week (20lbs by April)
• Read the bible through
• Spend some one on one time with my Savior - I really need to seek His direction in my life and stop whining about things not going MY way.

So far everything is working out well, except for the exercise - and I plan on focusing on that tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a BLESSED and PROSPEROUS 2012!