Purpose

Does everyone have a purpose in life? 

Is it possible to go through your entire life wondering what your purpose is? 

Is my purpose really to go to work, come home, clean house, cook supper (okay those last two are only occassionally, and trust me, as few and far between as I can manage), go to bed and get up and do it all again?

Would I have more joy if I knew God had a purpose for me and I was working towards that?

A lot of questions, I know.  But that has been how my day has been today - and I'm not really sure where it all came from, but I think it has been brewing for a while now.  We were on our way to my mom's today - and I was thinking about all my fears and wondering why I can't get over them, where they come frome, etc.  Most specifically, I was thinking about my fear of death.  Why do I always think I am going to die?  Don't get me wrong, I know life is fragile, but I seriously am afraid I'm about to die 85% of the time, be it in a car accident, a freak accident like a tree falling on me, getting sick, having a heart attack, all kinds of thoughts go through my head.  And I had a thought.  I think one of the reasons I feel this way, is because I don't feel like I have a purpose.  I'm easily dispensable. Surely, there must be something out there God wanted me to do, and since I'm to dense to realize what it is - He must not have dire need of me, and therefore I am easily dispensable.

So, I know all the "right" things to say at this point. "God has a plan for me" "Jeremiah 29:11" etc etc etc.   But that's not it - it's not that I don't think He has a plan for me.... I just feel like one of two things are happening.....  1) I am too dense to figure out what that plan is  or 2) He is not giving me any help to figure it out (or a combination of the two). 

I think that my lack of joy and lack of purpose go hand in hand.  What is there to be joyful about if you are just mucking your way through the days.... get up, take a shower, get dressed, kiss Ken goodbye, kiss Rebel goodbye, stressful drive to work (have I mentioned I HATE to drive), work (repetitve), stressful drive home, cook, wash clothes, watch tv, go to bed.... REPEAT. 

As I am writing this... maybe I need to put that joy into my life... but I'm not sure how.  Maybe that is another struggle I have.... how do I create purpose for myself??