Feelings into words

I am typically okay at putting my feelings into words, but this whole infertility thing has had me so worked up for so long, I feel like I am repetitive and jumbled up (most of you are probably nodding in agreeance right now haha).   I came across this poem on pinterest (my new fav site) tonight... and it so nicely put into words all the emotions I am contsantly going through - it's like a never ending cycle.  Thought I would share.

 

Aching Heart... Empty Arms

 

Aching heart, empty arms, broken dreams

spinning in dizzying circles for eternity.

Hope is a bad four-letter word

when it seems that your prayers are not being heard.

Feeling crazy, confused, jealous and sad

isolated, weary, deserted, and mad!

Trying to cope...

not wanting to hope.

Withering away, slowly dying

swollen eyes from all the crying.

Pounding heart, soaring fears, fragile soul

the hurt and pain continue to grow.

Praying to God!

Pleading with God!

Begging for God to please hear my prayers,

the disappointments I think I can no longer bare.

Trying to be patient and trust in the Lord

but I don't think my spirit can take anymore!

I want to be a mommy... I need to be -- WHY????

Why do I feel this so strongly?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?

Screaming now, shouting for the Lord to hear

"I'm waiting, I'm trying, but do You care??"

Hurting inside, feeling weak, loosing faith

more crying and pleading; now starting to hate!

My mind is twisting out of control!

I need help... I need healing, this I know.

But does God really listen and understand?

I ask you again Lord, "Will you please hold my hand?

This journey I'm on seems long, the terrains are rough

when will You realize I've suffered enough?"

 

-Lisa M. Borders