Healing God

I have some really exciting news!!!

But first, let's start with some background work.  If you haven't been following my wacky, all over the place, no sense at all blog you will have no idea what I am talking about, if you have, you probably already know.

Ken and I have been married for 3 years.  We have been trying to conceive, unsuccessfully, for 3 years. About 2 and a half years ago, we found out that Ken had a severe chronic prostate infection - and with prostate cancer running in his family, this was very scary.  Because of the infection his testosterone level was little to none.  The doctor's put him on heavy antibiotics and testosterone shots.  He also had a sperm analysis and there wasn't much luck there either.

This was a very devastating blow to us, not only because we both want children very badly, but it also altered Ken's moods pretty severely.  He didn't want to do anything, he had no energy, he couldn't even truly enjoy being with our nieces and nephews.  The best way he explained it, was he had no feelings whatsoever.  And anyone who knows me, I am VERY emotional, so this was hard for me to grasp.  The antibiotics was a trip in and of itself.  The biggest side effect that affected his/our everyday life was the fact that it made him EXTREMELY sensitive to the sun.  So, no outside work or fun for him.  Again, this was a big blow to me, because I love to be outside. Not to mention the depression (very severe at times) for both him and me.  Sometimes I look back and know it is only by the grace of God we survived, and our still surviving.

For a year and a half the prostate infection never went away. During this time, his testosterone and his sperm count not only declines, it hit the big fat ZERO - there is NOTHING there according to the tests.  He stayed on the heavy antibiotics the whole time.  About this time last year, they decided to go in and do an invasive exploratory surgery on him.  They found a stricture, but nothing that should be causing an infection like this.  The poor guy had a catheter through Christmas!!  He has been through the wringer for sure, and I know I have not always been a good and patient or understanding wife.

After this surgery, and lots of prayer, Ken decided to come off of the Testosterone and Antibiotics with the decision that if they haven't done anything by now (2+ years later) they are not going to.  And I always had this feeling doctors and medicine just wasn't going to cut it.  So off he came.  His mood did improve (lack of testosterone shots) and his "allergy" to the sun improved gradually (lack of antibiotics) which were definite benefits.  But my moodiness wasn't improving, in all honesty, I was/am sinking further and further into depression.  No matter how many times you remind yourself it is a promise, each time it doesn't manafest, it is disappointing, and I'm tired of disappointments. 

The past three years has been full of prayers, tears (lots of those), gut wrenching sobs, screaming and crying to God, questions, doubts, and more prayers.  I have not lost my faith though it, I know regardless, that God is with me, with or without children, my God is there.  I have put to test "to wrestle with God" though these years though.

So let's move into the current year... 2012.  We went to Chan's research hospital to see if they could help (Ken's technical diagnosis name is hypogonadism), with no luck, changed doctor's a few times, with no luck, etc.  It always seemed the same - "there is really nothing we can do for this condition, just go see a fertility doctor".  Yeah RIGHT, they are doctors, so I'm sure the tens of thousands of dollars doesn't faze them, but we knew that was out of the question.  The majority of the year was spent researching a new treatment that is out to treat hypogonadism and re-create sperm and testosterone in the body, it is fairly simple and even well known lately because of it's weight loss fad - HcG & HmG.  It is FDA approved to treat hypogonadism, but we went to 3 or 4 different doctors that said they just were not comfortable giving it. 

Finally we decided in October to go back to the endocrinologist, where we had started all those years ago.  Interestingly enough, this appointment was on our 3rd anniversary!  So the doctor had Ken do the standard tests before going in (CBC, testosterone, etc).  While we were there, I laid out my heart to the doctor and he listened.  He pulled up the blood work and everything was within the normal limits.  He wasn't comfortable with the HcG either, and was really impressed with Ken's levels.  So he decided he would order another sperm analysis to see what was going on there and then he would help us make decisions from there.... so here goes nothing - again.  (the sperm analysis stories are hilarious in and of themselves)

Ken finishes all his tests (he had to get an MRI of his pituitary too) and then the wait is on....

I get a message from a wonderful woman of God who I have had praying with us about this situation for the past 3 years.  She said that she got a message from God and she knew without a doubt it was for me, and it was God telling me "You have everything you need."  We both muddled over what it could mean (of course my mind goes to "you don't need a baby you already have what you need, give it up and quitcher whining") with no luck. 

The next day Ken calls me, he got the test results back...  EVERYTHING is within normal levels!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  (We have known for almost a month now and I STILL do a little dance every once in a while)  Normal!! We haven't been normal in forever (if EVER!)!!  God has HEALED my husband!!  He is HEALED!  WHOO HOO! This wasn't ANY doctors, no medicene, nothing of THIS world - sperm doesn't just recreate itself like that.  GOD did this - no doubt about it!!

Needless to say - disappointment still hits.  But we are one step closer, because God told me, spoke to me and said I have everything I need! That doesn't mean it will be immediate (it wasn't)... and I will still probably be disappointed each month it isn't... but it's okay, because:

"YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED"