I hate the feeling of being alone. But even worse than that is feeling like you just can't connect with anyone, not even God. I find myself wondering if I could do something different for someone to like me, when most of the time they like me just fine to begin with.
Lately, I've been feeling like I am not connecting with God. I know that my Jesus saved me, I know that He is my Healer, my Provider, the One who always works wonders in my life. The One who CONSTANTLY delivers me from fear. But... why can't I get EXCITED about it? Why do I just feel like it's normal... hum drum... every day happenings. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I read my bible every day. I pray daily. The only complaint I have about my prayer life is I don't get the "down and dirty" praying going on. I pray throughout my day, going to work, at work, at lunch, going home, all the time while I'm at home. Whatever comes to my mind the first person I talk to about it is God. I know He convicts me, because He is teaching me to be loving and less critical, I feel a heart prick (for lack of a better word) when I know I did something wrong or not to the best of my loving ability and have to ask forgiveness for it. I know that He loves me and that He does a LOT for me. I just don't feel connected. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it normal? Am I doing something wrong? I know Satan is behind the little voice that says "well, maybe you aren't doing right, maybe if you do die you won't go to heaven...". I have to rebuke that thought a lot. I just want that connection I used to have with God when I was younger... I want my heart to break for what breaks His. If you have been through this... what has pulled you through? Have you pulled through?
Yes, I have felt this way many times (remember, I'm a lot older than you). Even great men in the Bible felt that way at times, remember Job and David? But they and I have always come out on the other side of the slump and realized that He was there all the time, even when we don't feel like it. The key is not to give up, and say like Job, "Even if He slays me, yet I will trust in him."
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